Andy’s Best Lines in Season 7

Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? No. I've been through anger-management, OK? So right now, I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, gazing out across the whitecaps. Oh, look, it's a humpback whale. How pretty. He's eating Gabe.

What? That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy.

Gabe is not coming, which is huge because my plan is to make Erin fall back in love with me tonight. Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.

Oh, it appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. He's gone to sleep now, I've closed his beak.

You know what? Let me just double check, that bird... Okay, good. It's off. I mean, silenced. I silenced it by killing it. I've killed it! I'm a murderer! Just like you, Sweeney Todd. See, it all connects. Not that I know you're a murderer. My character doesn't know that yet. But I'm suspicious, because of all the razors that you have laying around. And you spend time alone. But you're a barber, so that's legit. So there's that. But...

That's really irresponsible of Erin. She's a terrible babysitter.

So, guys. I've been really bothered by the way certain people are getting treated around here, and I just think as an office we're better than that. Ok, now I'm going to show you a picture of genitalia.

Not to go all Sherlock Holmes on you, but I can tell by the reflection in your glasses that you're entering points into Weight Watchers dot com.

Does the Nard-dog want Nard-pups? Yeah. I want a big ol' litter of Nard-pups. All jumping around, sucking on the teet. Put 'em in a box, give 'em to my neighbors. Yeah, I want kids.

What if the moon was your car and Jupiter was your hair brush?

I just ate powdered seahorse! I have to admit I did not think it was gonna work, but it is totally working! I feel exactly like a seahorse! Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub.

I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I'm going to kill myself.

If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche. You like, signal the flavors of the whole night.

Good choice. The rest of you are dead to me. You made the stupidest decision of your life.

Well, I guess when you looked in me, you forgot about my balls. They're on the outside. Don't how you missed 'em.

Oh it is on like Genghis Khan wearing Sean Jean in Buton.

Allow all cookies? Why certainly! Pop-ups? Yes please! Bit torrent streaming from a Somalian music website? Yeah! Why not? Oh I hope you don't get sick Mr. Computer. Why are you doing this to me Andy? Because I hate your programs!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think if he was sexist, I'd be able to tell. I took a crapload of women's studies courses at Cornell. And I wrote my own companion piece to the "vagina Monologues" called the "penis Apologies." So I know a thing or two.

Erin's my best friend in this office, hands down, but... when she asked me out, I just didn't have that feeling, you know? Aren't there some things that you really want to like, but you just can't... seem to like it, like, Mad Men... or football... Let's not forget, Erin chose Gabe over me. That happened. I'm not going to apologize for getting over her, okay? I'm sorry. I would go for someone who's more... she's great, though.